It's almost Mother's Day again... and once again I admit, sheepishly, that what I'd really like for Mother's Day is a day off. Horrible right?
And then I realize that I can't exactly tell my kids that I don't want to have Mother's Day dinner with them as they give me their little hand made cards and say "Happy Mother's Day" in their best party-time voices (well, that may be wishful thinking, but you know what I mean).
I love my kids. I mean I practically worship them, seriously, I miss them when they are at preschool for 2 hours, I really do. But as the seven days a week, twenty four hours a day go by week after week, month after month, I am slowly coming to terms with the enormity of it all.
I am realizing that it will never end, it will only change. I will never, in any way, return to the person I used to be, because they will always be in my mind and heart, wherever they are, no matter what happens from here on out.
People used to tell me that four was the magic number. "Oh yes, those terrible twos are difficult, but when they turn four they will transform into compliant, delightful creatures, just wait!"
It is great.
But they are hardly compliant.
Delightful, yes, but the challenges become more complex. Now it is more than "no", now it is the "why not?", and "but last time you said...", and " Well if I can't have it then I'm moving to grandma's".
I remember when the twins were small(er), telling mothers of older children how hard it was, and seeing in their eyes sympathy, but also something more, something I didn't understand at the time. (And yes, I was a bit of a whiner)
Well I get it now.
What I saw there was a silent "just wait".
They heard what I was saying, but they also knew it wasn't going to get easier, and in fact the dynamics of motherhood get trickier as your children grow up. Sure, it is frustrating to negotiate snack time with a four year old, but I can only imagine negotiating the social life of a teenager, or trying to find the proper amount of space to keep from an adult child, or for that matter, a daughter-in-law.
So this Mother's Day I will be with my family, making sure that they are as happy as they can be. Because this Mother's Day, at four, my children really do want to be with me.
I'll take it while I can.
Enjoy!
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